A Heart That Flies

     Yesterday, I went for testing at a speech clinic to continue to work on my stroke recovery.  There, I met two other stroke patients who have lost many more abilities than I have.  Their attitudes were amazing, and I'm not sure that would have been said of me if I had lost more.  Anyway, as I was thinking about them yesterday, I began thanking God that he left me with so much, and that in all of this, I am still able to play my trumpet.  You may think, " Shouldn't you just be thankful you can WALK?  Playing the trumpet is just a little bonus."  Not for me...it is so much more.
     In the sixth grade, we walked into band class and the teacher asked each of us to pick an instrument we wanted to play.  My first instinct was the trombone, but I didn't enjoy how my whole mouth got swallowed up in the mouthpiece!  So, I picked the trumpet.  And seriously, the first notes I played on it actually sounded pretty good...and if you're familiar with starting an instrument for the first time, you know that is rare!  It seemed as if I was just made for it.  Playing just came so naturally for me, and this was such a pleasant surprise.  At the age of 12, I never felt I was good or talented at anything at all, that there was nothing I would ever be able to call my own.  So, having this new gift freed me, and I just let it carry me wherever it wanted to go.....To be honest, I loved the positive attention it brought me, and that it somehow brought me some form of status into my young life. 
     After high school, I took a LONG break from playing.  I picked it up again about 13 years ago when I moved to this area and began helping my friends with the ministry they began.  Now, I was playing for a worship team, and my reason for playing began to drastically change.  As a young kid, I played because I was showing off or just loved to play.  Now, as an adult, I was playing FOR someone and because of someone.  
     I remember one day playing at a service, and getting so lost in the words of the song and just feeling so much love for my Father that I honestly had this feeling of flying!  I know that sounds really weird, but that's the best way to describe it.  Just being with Him and giving Him what I had did that for me.  And I've had that same feeling so many times since...that sensation of just soaring over and through the notes, making something I pray is beautiful in the end. Now, I KNOW I'm really just a mediocre horn player at best....love colors things, though, and makes them kind of glorious.
     So Macy and Micah, here it is.  Find the thing in your life that makes your heart fly.  Be thankful for it....and always give it back to God, who lent it to you for awhile!  Because when you give it back to Him, He makes it just that...glorious.

Starting Something New

    Well, here I am...starting something I never thought I would--a blog!  The reason is simple, really, but requires some explanation.  On April 17th of this year I gave birth my second child, a beautiful baby boy named Micah Nathaniel.  He and his big sister, Macy, were huge blessings in my life because I was told before that there wasn't much of a chance for me to have any children at all.  On May 1st, just two weeks later, I found myself feeling very dizzy and disoriented, having a severe headache and paralysis on my left side.  I was having a massive stroke, and was rushed by ambulance to the nearest hospital, which just so happens to specialize in stroke treatment, among other things. 
     After five days, I was released, having only "minor" residual effects, including a weak left side and some cognitive problems.  It has been a long road these last few months.  I have learned something about fear.  It can paralyze you, or it can propel you.  For instance, there is a part of me who is afraid to turn my head for fear I'll damage my carotid artery again, who is afraid  to be taken off of blood thinners for fear of a second stroke.  And there is a part of me who, out of fear of leaving my children behind before I've really had a chance to teach them anything, is now starting this blog. 
      I'm writing with the hope that as I write this, I will be able to pass on at least one thing I want my children to know with each blog, in the event I for whatever reason, would not be around.  You may think this is morbid, and I guess you'd be right, sort of.  But I do not want to live with regret, or be faced with death, panicking to try tell my children all of these "pearls" all at once.  So, in honor of my very first blog, here is the very first thing I want Macy and Micah to know:  If fear can either paralyze or propel you, PLEASE let it propel you!